


Afraid to Hope

by alex_kade



Series: S.S. Minhoe [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, M/M, Sexual Confusion, all the other members are there, captaining this ship, just not for super long, minho - Freeform, somebody's gotta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 02:44:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7024015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex_kade/pseuds/alex_kade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Minyuk wants to be loved, and Wonho thinks he might want to love him, but first they have to start speaking the same language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Afraid to Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Where are all the Minho fics???? Seriously, guys, I know everyone's all caught up on the 'All In' Hyungmin relationship and all, but did you _see_ the Minhoe lap dance???? How did that _not_ spawn at least a few fics???? Or, you know, anytime the two of them are hanging on each other, or doing little things like Wonho literally cleaning something off Minhyuk's teeth during an interview, or Minhyuk actually feeling up Wonho's abs. How is nobody noticing this except for me????
> 
> I'm captaining this ship. Someone's gotta. I started to awhile back with my vamp fics already, but after the lap dance and getting all hot and bothered watching the Mirotica cover, I felt this just needed to be written in "real life" form. 
> 
> Watch the [lap dance](http://whyisthismylifenow.tumblr.com/post/144884407652/in-case-anybody-wanted-the-full-body-version-of). Write Minho fics with me. I need them (and this is coming from an actual hardcore showminship fan!)

It took awhile before anybody noticed.

Comebacks were hard on everybody in the idol life; with television and radio appearances one right after another, fan meets, livestreams, multiple stage performances, it wasn’t unusual for all of them to come home completely exhausted. What free time they had in their schedules was spent eating little and sleeping even less, so they took whatever they could whenever they could get it. That made it fairly easy to overlook the fact that Minhyuk was spending pretty much every spare moment he had available to him in his bed.

His hope was that they would never actually catch onto the fact that he was hiding. The only person who loved their bed more than Minhyuk was Hyungwon, so it shouldn’t have seemed unusual at all that he was spending more and more time there. They _knew_ Minhyuk, though, had gotten close enough over their full year living together that eventually they started to wonder whether something else was going on. They began to ask questions, wondering if he was okay, if he was feeling ill, if he was eating enough, maybe having bad dreams that kept him from sleeping properly, and then subtly trying to get him to hang around with them more, play games, go get ice cream, anything to keep him away from his cave of a bunkbed.

None of it worked, of course. He would field the questions and the requests the same way every time - he would flash one of his signature smiles, tell everybody he was fine, just tired, and then skip off to bed (or stay in it if it was morning and someone was trying to get him up).

He wasn’t actually fine though, not even remotely, and he knew that they knew it. He had admitted in an interview once that the thing he liked to do most to cheer himself up when he was down was to sleep. Admittedly, it wasn’t much of a cheering up technique. It was just a means for him to pretend the problem didn’t exist in the first place, to just escape it for awhile so he didn’t have to deal with it, because every waking second of the day all he was _doing_ was dealing with it. 

The problem was that Minhyuk was gay.

No, that wasn’t exactly an accurate assessment. Being gay in itself wasn’t really a problem, outside of the fact that he had to hide it from the public (not that he tried overly hard to do even that). He’d come to terms with it a long time ago, his family was fine with it, his bandmates even knew and were all totally okay with it, so he couldn’t exactly call that the issue.

The problem was that he was gay and now having to deal with the fact that the theme of their entire comeback was basically like a sex god concept. They spent half their time only being half dressed, their dance moves were more sensual, they answered more questions about imaginary girlfriend scenarios than they did before, they flirted more openly with the fans; everything they did or that was done to them was a means to make them more attractive to the public eye, and in the kind of way that many of them weren’t exactly experienced in. Everything they were doing was making all the members more attractive to _him_ , and he wasn’t certain how to deal with that.

Then, if trying to suppress his feelings for his bandmates wasn’t hard enough on its own with the way everyone looked and danced lately, he had to try to ignore all his pent up urges while Wonho gave him a fucking sexy-as-fuck lap dance for the entire world to see! Really, how the hell was that even fair? He’d played it off well on stage because he’d had to, but he couldn’t remember a time when he’d ever been so angry with one of his bandmates. All of them, actually. A courtship dance with him should never have been written on that wheel in the first place, not when they knew what it would do to him. They had meant it in good fun, he realized, but it wasn’t funny at all, not to him, not when Wonho had pulled out all the stops and had actually taken the challenge seriously.

Fan service be damned. Someone as knowingly attractive (and straight) as Wonho should not have done that to a gay boy, not one who had a crush on him and whose career depended on his ability to hide the worst of his orientation. That dance was just asking for him to blow his cover.

And _then_ , because even _that_ wasn’t enough, they had to go do that damn Mirotic cover! Christ, fangirls were dying all over the place thanks to that. If only they could imagine what it was like to be _him_ , caught right up in there in the middle of all of it, trying to match everyone else’s level of sexy not because he was trying to impress the girls, but because some little, stupid part of him actually thought that maybe one of his bandmates would notice and would somehow react to him in the same way he reacted to pretty much all of them. 

It was a silly idea, really. They catered to his clinginess, his general need for physical contact, but only as friends; good friends, at that. They never made him feel like he was unwanted, never treated him as less of a person because of his preferences, but that was a far cry from one of them actually liking him back, or from even understanding what he was going through. It wasn’t like they were being dropped into a house of beautiful women and asked to pretend like they weren’t attracted to any of them. It was just too hard, and he found the best way to deal with it was to not deal with it at all. If he didn’t have to be around them, he didn’t have to constantly squash down any rising feelings...or anything else that was rising inappropriately.

A knock on the door had him sighing internally as he prepared himself for his usual act of feigned sleep. He’d gotten pretty damn good at it if he had to judge for himself, making certain to keep his face relaxed and his breathing even. He’d even taught himself how to slit his eyes open just right so he could see while his intruders invaded his privacy; they didn’t even know it because he had a bad habit of sleeping with his eyes open anyway.

“Minhyukie? Are you awake?” his current visitor called out quietly as he opened the door.

God, it was Wonho, the _last_ person Minhyuk wanted to see right then. He closed his eyes all the way and carefully tilted his face towards the wall to keep it more hidden. If he ignored him long enough, eventually he’d go away. Or maybe Minhyuk’s roommates would filter in for bed soon and kick Wonho out. They were good at watching his back like that sometimes.

He listened as Wonho slipped inside and shut the door, then almost blew his own cover when he heard the minute turn of the lock. Wonho locked the door? How were the roomies supposed to rescue him if the door was locked? The thought of it had his heart pounding a little harder, making it more difficult for him to keep his breathing smooth and even. What was going on?

He waited, listening rigidly as Wonho crossed the short expanse of floor and then stood there for a second staring at him. Minhyuk could feel his eyes on him as clearly as daggers pressing into soft skin, making him want to fidget and squirm. By some miracle of god he managed to keep still, clinging to his ruse even as his hyung slowly lowered himself to sit on the edge of the bed beside him...and then began to lean his body over Minhyuk’s...and then _lips_ were touching _his_ , and _oh my fucking god, what is he doing?!_

Multiple things happened at once in that instance. First, Minhyuk’s eyes snapped open as he shouted some sort of muffled stream of gibberish against Wonho’s mouth. At the same time, his hand came up to push his hyung away from him, except in his utter shock the “push” became more of a “slap” and struck Wonho against the face pretty damn hard. While _that_ was happening, Minhyuk’s legs kicked in a desperate attempt to shove himself back away from the offending lips, forgetting momentarily that they were crammed into a very small space. Just as his hand connected with Wonho’s face, he felt his head collide with the wooden backboard of the bunk hard enough to make him instantly curl down into himself. Hot tears instantly stung his cheeks, but in that moment he couldn’t tell whether he was crying because of the pain of the impact, or whether it was over the shock at what Wonho had just done.

“Here, let me see,” Wonho urged, hands tugging at Minhyuk’s arms to try to pry them off his covered head. “Minhyukie, let me see.”

“No! Don’t _touch_ me!” Minhyuk swatted blindly at his hyung again and scooted further back into the corner, mindful this time of his space limitations. Making himself small, he kept his face tucked against his knees as he yelled through his tears, “Why would you _do_ that?!”

He jumped as someone pounded on the door and rattled the knob. “What’s going on in there?” Shownu’s concerned voice carried through the thin barrier that prevented him from coming to Minhyuk’s aid. 

Wonho’s hands were on his arms again, not pulling this time, just flittering across them lightly in a frightened sort of desperation. Good. He had every reason to be scared, because Shownu was going to kill him. Out of everybody in the band, Shownu watched out for Minhyuk the most, and he was going to be pissed as all hell when he found out what sort of prank Wonho had just pulled on him. 

“Minhyukie, please don’t be mad,” Wonho begged. “I knew you were awake, okay? I thought you’d like it. I was trying to cheer you up.”

“Well, it _didn’t_ ,” Minhyuk spat, finally lifting his tear-stained face to glare at his soon to be ex-friend. It was only then that he saw the ugly red mark lighting up Wonho’s cheek, and he wondered briefly if it would bruise. Part of him felt guilty about that, but not for Wonho’s sake - the jerk deserved it. It just meant he may have inadvertently created more work for their makeup artists. 

“Hey! Open the door!” Shownu called out again.

Wonho glanced back at it, then turned pleading eyes on Minhyuk again. “ _Please_ , Minhyuk. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I was only trying-”

“-Open the door,” Minhyuk demanded, one of his hands reaching down to clutch at his pillow, fully prepared to attack Wonho with it if he needed to. He didn’t miss the way Wonho’s eyes followed the hand.

“Minhyuk-”

“- _Open_ the _door_.”

Biting his lip, Wonho nodded and backed off the bed slowly, only turning around to face the door when he was directly in front of it. Sucking in a deep breath, he turned the lock and finally allowed their leader entry, making the cold atmosphere that had taken over the room feel instantly warmer, safer for Minhyuk. 

“What happened?” Shownu asked, looking from Wonho to Minhyuk and back.

“I messed up. I’m sorry,” Wonho admitted quietly, then ducked his head and shuffled out into the hall. 

Shownu moved like he was going to follow him, but that was the moment when Minhyuk completely lost his reins on his emotions. An ugly sob tore its way out of his throat, drawing Shownu’s attention towards him with the intensity of a mother bear responding to a distress call from her cub. He was crawling into the bunk in an instant, folding Minhyuk against his chest and holding him tight, not asking questions or demanding explanations, just rubbing little circles against his shoulder with his thumb until Minhyuk calmed down on his own.

Then and only then did he ask again, so very softly, “What happened?”

Minhyuk sniffled, his breath shuddering in his lungs as he tried and failed to process what, exactly _had_ happened. “I hit my head,” was the only answer that managed to work its way out of his mouth, and he laughed bitterly at its stupidity.

Shownu didn’t pry though, instead just played right along and asked Minhyuk to turn around so he could take a look. His fingers were soothing as they massaged along his scalp, gently probing the soft little lump that was already forming near the crown of his head. Minhyuk hissed, but otherwise stayed still, soaking up his leader’s affections, basking in its familiar comfort. 

“You’re okay,” Shownu informed him, and carefully turned him back around to tuck him back up underneath his chin. “You want me to stay with you for a bit?”

Minhyuk nodded and curled his fingers into Shownu’s shirt, grasping at anything that would make his mind stop swirling. He may have been just as conflicted about his feelings towards Shownu as he was with Wonho, but at the moment the only thing he wanted was the brotherly love that his hyung was offering. He was just too emotionally scrambled to want anything else.

~~~~~~~

“Stupid. I’m so _stupid!”_ Wonho berated himself angrily as he paced back and forth across his bedroom floor. Hyungwon was watching calmly from where he sat on Shownu’s bunk, his fingers rolling a small jar of salve back and forth between them. “He hates me now. He _should_ hate me. Why am I like this?”

“Because you try too hard,” Hyungwon flat out stated, “but Minhyuk knows that. He’ll get over it. Now come over here so I can put this on your face.”

Wonho huffed out a heavy sigh before he ambled over and dropped heavily to his knees in front of his friend. “He won’t get over it. I’ve never seen him so upset.”

“Just _talk_ to him,” Hyungwon suggested as he gently dabbed the salve on Wonho’s cheek. “But not until after he calms down. It looks like he can hit pretty hard when he’s mad. It’s kind of impressive.”

“He _should_ hit me again,” Wonho murmured. “I deserve it.”

He was grateful that Hyungwon didn’t try to argue; that was why he appreciated Hyungwon’s company the most out of all of them. He was the best one to turn to when he just wanted to vent and wasn’t trying to seek out comfort or false appeasements. Hyungwon was the type of guy who would listen as Wonho spilled out all his woes, would offer the occasional small grain of advice or counterpoints, but mostly would let Wonho just sort of figure things out on his own. The lessons learned seemed to stick more that way as opposed to being forced upon him in somebody else’s words. 

The lesson taken from tonight’s incident? Wonho _had_ been an ass, _had_ deserved to get smacked for it, and would probably have to work pretty damn hard to get back in Minhyuk’s good graces. He just didn’t know how the hell he was supposed to go about it. This whole liking a guy concept was completely new to him, and even though he _knew_ Minhyuk liked him back, apparently the same tricks that made women swoon over him weren’t going to work on Minhyuk. It seemed the more he tried to impress him, the more Minhyuk pushed him away.

“I think he thinks I’m mocking him,” he admitted, his voice nearly a whisper as he felt the burn of telltale tears pricking his eyes. “Maybe I should leave him alone. I don’t want to hurt him anymore.”

“What, so you can _both_ sit around and sulk all day?” Hyungwon pointed out. “Why do you think the others went the arcade? They didn’t want to go to bed yet because Minhyuk makes their whole room feel depressing. If you start acting like that then none of us will have _anywhere_ to sleep.”

“Then what should I do?” Wonho pleaded.

“I already told you. Listen to me when I’m talking to you.”

“He’s not going to listen to _me_ ,” Wonho argued, “not after what I just did.”

Hyungwon screwed the lid back onto the salve jar in clear exasperation, tossing it aside onto the bed. His posture stern, he leaned forward and put his hand on Wonho’s shoulder, forcing him to look at him as he spoke.

“Talk to him,” he said again, “as Hoseok, not as Wonho. He’ll listen.”

Maybe. Maybe he would, but maybe he wouldn’t. Wonho wasn’t sure what he would do if Minhyuk didn’t listen, if Minhyuk didn’t forgive him, if Minhyuk wouldn’t accept him. It had taken Wonho so long to accept the fact that he actually had feelings for his friend; he didn’t know how he could handle himself if he found out he’d been wrong the whole time, that Minhyuk actually felt nothing for him in return.

Just the thought of it made his heart clench painfully in his chest, and only then did it strike him - this was what poor Minhyuk had been feeling _the whole time_. He had to live like this every single day, knowing without a doubt that no one was capable of reciprocating the sort of love he felt for them. No wonder he kept himself shut away all the time. It _hurt._

“I’m such an idiot,” he muttered, and finally let some of the tears slip down his cheeks.

Hyungwon shifted his hand to rest it on top of Wonho’s head. “Yeah, but you’re our idiot.” He smiled fondly at his poor, confused friend. “Come on, let’s get ready for bed before Shownu comes back in here and kills us both for being on his.”

Wonho chuckled at that and nodded as he pushed himself to his feet, wiping away his tears. This would all blow over in the morning. It had to, or else he would never forgive himself.

~~~~~~~

Minhyuk _did_ feel better in the morning, but only because he was woken up by a gentle shake of his shoulders, his head still pillowed against a broad, muscled chest. Shownu had apparently decided to stay with him all night, and if that thought couldn’t warm Minhyuk’s soul, then nothing could.

“Hey, are you awake?” Shownu asked, shaking him again.

Minhyuk groaned and snuggled in closer. “Five more minutes.”

“You said that five minutes ago,” Shownu laughed. “Come on, we need to get up. You need to eat something before practice today.”

“We don’t have _time_ to eat before practice,” Minhyuk mumbled.

“Which is why we’re getting up earlier today. You’re losing too much weight. Everyone is. Monbebes are getting worried, so we need to eat more.” Sitting himself up and taking a whining Minhyuk with him, he thunked his fist against the ceiling of the bunk. “That means you, too, Changkyun. Get up. Jooheonnie-”

“-I’m awake,” Honey murmured. “Don’t throw anything at me.”

Shownu stood up, dumping Minhyuk in a tangle of limbs onto his mattress before stealing the pillow and tossing it into Jooheon’s face anyway.

“God, I hate it when you spend the night in here,” Honey grumbled, making everybody laugh. At least it served to wake them all up more, and the familiar antics put Minhyuk in an even better mood. It improved even more when Shownu turned and knelt down beside him again, carding his hand gently through his hair.

“Is your head okay?” he asked, all joking aside.

Minhyuk flashed him a grateful smile. “It’s a little sore, but I’ll live.”

“Hmm,” Shownu frowned. “We should’ve put ice on it. We’ll do that after you shower. Kihyun should be just about finished by now, so why don’t you grab your things and take it next before anybody else steals it.”

Minhyuk understood a subtle order when he was given one, and forced himself to crawl his way out of his bunk. Usually he was one of the last ones to take a shower in the mornings, but if Shownu thought he looked like enough of a mess to need it sooner rather than later, he wasn’t going to argue. He’d fallen asleep while crying, after all, which meant his face was probably a puffy, ugly mess at the moment that wouldn’t improve until he ran some warm water over it. If he got in there first, no one would be awake enough to notice and he could avoid the questions that he didn’t want to answer.

He made his way quickly down the hall, diligently ignoring the door opposite his own in favor of not wanting to think about last night’s debacle, and nearly ran right into Kihyun as he stepped out of the bathroom.

“Oh, sorry!” Kihyun shot out, then did a doubletake as he caught sight of Minhyuk’s face before he could fully hide it. “Are you okay?”

Minhyuk gave him a self-conscious shrug and a half-hearted, slightly embarrassed smile. “Yeah. I had a bad night, but Shownu appa took care of me. It’s fine now.”

“Okaaaaay,” Kihyun drew out. “Hey, you know you can talk to us if-”

“-I know,” Minhyuk was quick to interject. “But, really, I’m fine. If you want to do something to make it even better though, can you make us French toast this morning? We haven’t had that in forever.”

Kihyun laughed at the obvious play on his sympathies and punched his bandmate lightly in the arm. “Sure, sure. I’ll put extra powdered sugar on yours if you want.”

“Thank youuuuu!”

Minhyuk smiled sweetly at him until they parted ways and he could drop the act behind the safety of the closed bathroom door. It was really too early to be playing these games, and he was looking forward to a few more minutes of solitude before he’d have to bust out some major acting skills to get through the rest of the day. He may have felt better than last night, but he was a long cry from okay, and it would only get worse the second he had to look at Wonho. 

As much as he thought he wanted to at the moment, it wasn’t like he could _actually_ avoid Wonho for the rest of forever; it would tear the whole band apart if he tried, and he wasn’t willing to let his hurt feelings take things that far. They had all worked too hard for him to mess it all up now. As usual, he would just have to suck it up and move on; it would just take a little longer than it normally did.

He turned the water on and had just stripped down to his boxers when he heard the door open and shut behind him. Assuming it was just Kihyun who had probably forgotten something, he didn’t pay it much mind as he turned around and came face-to-face with none other than the person he had just been thinking about, the last person he wanted to see.

“Hey!” he practically squeaked, suddenly feeling very insecure as he noticed the way Wonho’s eyes wandered down his torso. Quickly he grabbed up a towel and pressed it against his chest, trying to gain as much dignity as he could with what little he was wearing.

“Sorry, sorry,” Wonho rambled out, seeming to remember himself. He turned around and pressed his forehead against the door. “God, I keep messing this up.”

“If you need to get something, hurry up,” Minhyuk snapped. “I don’t want you in here.”

“No, I don’t-” Wonho took a deep breath and thunked his head against against the wood. “I need to talk to you. About last night. This was the only private place where we could talk.”

“You already said you’re sorry. I’m still mad. Just give me a couple days and I’ll get over it,” Minhyuk summarized. “I don’t know what else needs to be s-”

“-I like you.”

It came out rushed and muffled against the door, Wonho’s voice nearly drowned out by the sound of the water running behind Minhyuk, but he heard it as loud as if he were standing in front of one of their stage speakers. At first the only thing he could do was just stand there and blink, too stunned to even breathe. That...what he thought he heard couldn’t have been what he thought it _meant_. Could it?

“If this is a joke-” he started.

Wonho spun around, eyes wide and mortified above the slight bruising on his cheek. “It’s not. You have to believe me, it’s not. I should’ve told you sooner, but I wasn’t sure, and by the time I _was_ sure, I didn’t know what to do about it. I’ve never--this is all new to me, and of course I fucked it all up because I’m me and that’s what I do and-”

Minhyuk dropped one side of his towel so he could wave his hand in the air. “Stop, stop, stop. Slow down,” he instructed, then pressed his hand to his head, shoving up his bangs. This was too much for his brain to compute this early in the morning. “How--why-- _when?_ I thought you were into girls.”

“I was! I mean, I _am_. I just, I don’t know, does it even matter? I like _you_.” Wonho let out a frustrated breath and sidled over to the sink so he could lean back against the counter. “I like that you’re usually so positive, and you always try to cheer everybody up when they’re down, and that you don’t judge anybody. I like it when you give hugs and tease and act like a kid, that you’re not afraid to just be you and have fun. I like it when I get to take care of you, and...and somewhere along the line I realized I was actually sort of getting jealous every time you went to Shownu for comfort. And--this is going to sound really bad so don’t tell anyone--back when Changkyun was hurt I was really worried and sad for him, but that day you hurt your knee in practice? I was more than that. I was _scared_. Seeing you huddled up on the floor in so much pain, and there wasn’t anything I could do to help, I’ve never been so afraid in my life. I was afraid when it wasn’t getting better, and I was afraid when they took you to the hospital and said you might need surgery, and I was afraid of how it might affect your mood afterwards when they said you weren’t allowed to do promotions with us.”

“Being afraid for me doesn’t mean you like me,” Minhyuk interrupted. “I mean, not _like_ like.”

“I know,” Wonho was quick to fire back, “and I thought the same thing, but the more I hung around you while you were recovering, the more I realized it was more than just a family like sort of thing. I know you had to be worried sick about losing your career, but you just kept staying positive and kept smiling through everything, and once you were off the crutches you worked so hard to catch back up, and it was all so inspiring. I would’ve been a wreck if I were you. I was sort of in awe over you, and that combined with everything else...I _like_ you, Minhyukie. I know I do. This isn’t something I decided overnight. I’ve thought about it a lot. I like you.”

Minhyuk opened his mouth, shut it, opened it again; god, he probably looked like some sort of lame fish. He didn’t know what to think about any of this. Here he was, getting essentially exactly what he’d been wanting ever since he got shoved into a dorm with six good looking, talented guys, and now he didn’t know what to do with it. He just wasn’t sure if Wonho was actually feeling what he thought he might be feeling, or if maybe he was just confused. It would make total sense. They weren’t allowed to go out, not allowed to date; it was only natural that they might start seeking out their relationship needs elsewhere. Minhyuk was openly gay when in the privacy of the dorm, so that made him the next best option in the absence of a girl. Didn’t it?

If that was the case, that almost made the entire concept worse in his mind. It would mean that Wonho was simply settling for the next best thing, and that once they could actually get out and date again, Minhyuk would be subtly swept aside like dust under a rug. He didn’t want to be the “convenient” one. He wanted to be someone’s _actual_ one.

“Hey. No, no, don’t do that,” Wonho suddenly said gently, jumping up to stand in front of him with his hands coming up to cup his face. Only when his thumb swiped across Minhyuk’s cheek did he realize he had somehow started crying again. As he glanced up to meet Wonho’s concerned gaze, he saw that _his_ eyes were also looking a little more than misty, and filled with either guilt or regret or both.

“Sorry,” Minhyuk nearly whimpered, and closed his eyes against the vision of Wonho’s handsome face hovering so close to his own. “I...it’s a lot to take in. I don’t know what to say.”

“Say yes? You like me too? I kind of just poured my entire heart out here”

Wonho’s voice cracked on the last word, prompting Minhyuk to open his eyes. It was a mistake. Wonho was openly crying too, a look in his eyes that was both terrified and hopeful at the same time. He looked more vulnerable than Minhyuk had ever seen him, and that included that day up on the tower when he’d been forced to face his fear of heights. Minhyuk had laughed back then, but this time it was anything but funny. This time Minhyuk knew exactly how Wonho felt.

“You know I like you,” Minhyuk admitted quietly, his need to alleviate some of his friend’s fears triumphing over his own. “I always have...which is why this is so hard for me to believe. I feel like we’re in one of those midnight dramas right now, you know? In real life the straight guy doesn’t magically fall in love with the gay guy who has a crush-”

His words were cut off as Wonho leaned forward and pressed his lips against Minhyuk’s for the second time in less than twenty-four hours. At first Minhyuk tensed up, his entire body going rigid for a moment as his mind continued to rally against this impossible fairytale that was unfolding around him. Then he felt it, the gentle, desperate passion Wonho was pouring into that kiss with the same intensity that he put towards everything that was truly important to him. He _wanted_ this. Badly. To the point where it might just kill him if Minhyuk said no. But at the same time…

Minhyuk relaxed into the kiss, even reciprocated just a little before he pulled away, indulging in what it felt like to be wanted for once instead of being the one who was always doing the wanting. Still, as tempting as it all was, he needed to hold his ground just a little longer.

“I don’t-” he started, his free hand sliding up to rest against his chest. His eyes slipped down to the side, unable to look at Wonho’s expression for fear that it would stop him from getting the words out that needed to be said. He tapped his chest once, drawing Wonho’s attention down to his fingers. “I’m afraid you might break it. I don’t know if I could handle that.”

He felt Wonho’s hand slide down to grab at his fingers, squeezing them tight before he pulled them against his own chest. “I couldn’t either,” he promised. “I don’t think I could live if I hurt you, and before you tell me I’m being campy, I mean I literally don’t think I would live. I’m pretty sure the others would actually kill me.”

Minhyuk couldn’t help but laugh at that, ducking his face at the truth of the statement until Wonho came up underneath him, pressing their foreheads together.

“So what do you say, huh?” he asked. “You want to give this a chance?”

Minhyuk sucked in a deep breath and brought up the towel to dab at his eyes. “Can I think about it?” he wound up asking in return, wanting to say yes, but also not wanting to rush into any false fantasies. Dating Wonho had the potential to shift the dynamic of the whole band, so he had to be sure, not just for his and Wonho’s sakes, but for everyone’s. He had to act like the adult that he was for once and go about this responsibly.

Now it was Wonho’s turn to close his eyes and back away. It was clearly not the answer he was aiming for, but he nodded his head just the same. “Sure,” he said softly. “Sure, yeah, of course. I don’t want to pressure you. Take as much time as you need.”

He turned to head towards the door, taking in a deep, calming breath. It shuddered in his lungs.

“Wonho,” Minhyuk called out, hating to see him looking so despondent. “It’s not a no. I just need some time to process everything. It kind of came out of nowhere for me”

“That’s because you’re clueless at picking up on people flirting with you,” Wonho said, throwing Minhyuk a small smirk over his shoulder.

“And that’s because I didn’t think I was somebody that people wanted to flirt _with_ ,” Minhyuk replied in all honesty, a sad truth that wiped the smile right off Wonho’s face. “Just let me think about it, okay?”

“Okay.”

Then he was gone, sliding out the door just as smoothly as he had slipped in, leaving Minhyuk in a haze of confused thoughts and whirling emotions. As he stood in the shower, he wondered if the water was taking all the pieces of his carefully-built walls down the drain, because Wonho had certainly come through and crumbled them into so much loose debris with his confessions. If Minhyuk thought his life was complicated before, he knew it was about to get ten times more difficult to navigate.

~~~~~~~

When Wonho stepped back into his room, shoulders a little slumped with his not-quite-rejection, he was startled to see Shownu standing there staring at him. He wasn’t sure _why_ it startled him - it was Shownu’s room too, after all. Maybe it was because he wasn’t sure what Minhyuk had told him, what Hyungwon might have told him, and therefore wasn’t certain whether he was okay or if he needed to seriously start thinking about booking it the hell out of there.

“Did you fix it?” Shownu asked, pinning him into place with a heavy stare.

“Honestly?” Wonho asked, running his hand through his hair, too out of sorts to try to think up some half truth. “I don’t know. But he didn’t hit me again, so I guess that counts for something.”

Shownu nodded and went back to pulling out his workout clothes for the morning. “What’d he say?”

Wonho hesitated, still not entirely certain how much exactly Shownu knew about what had gone down. He glanced up at Hyungwon, who only shrugged a non-response back at him.

“I notice more than you think I do,” Shownu elaborated. “I’m the leader. You think I don’t pay attention to what’s going on with my members?”

With a loud groan, Wonho dragged his feet as he made his way over to his bed and dropped down onto it heavily. He lay back and put his pillow over his head. “So _you_ noticed, but Minhyuk didn’t? You could have said something, you know. Talked to him, maybe? We might’ve avoided this whole mess.”

“It wasn’t my place,” Shownu shrugged. “Besides, I don’t think he would’ve believed me. Now stop avoiding the question. What’d he say?”

“He said he’d think about it,” Wonho moaned into his pillow. “How long am I supposed to wait for an answer?”

Shownu trudged over and tugged the pillow off his face. “Do you really like him?”

“Yes,” Wonho answered without the slightest hesitation. “I really, really do.”

“Then you give him as long as it takes.”

Wonho sighed internally. Sometimes the simplest answer was always the hardest one.

~~~~~~~

The answer, as it turned out, never came in the form of a simple yes or no. There was no particular point of time that Wonho could pinpoint as the moment when Minhyuk accepted his proposal. It was more of a gradual process, starting in the form of conflicted distance that threatened to tear Wonho apart, then the return of easy smiles and careful but playful banter, then Minhyuk went back to touching him like he used to - just little slides of his hand up Wonho’s arm, pats on the knee, lingering touches to his thighs, little slips of his fingers up his shirt to graze his abs, everything that Wonho had missed while Minhyuk had been coming to whatever decision he was going to make. The hugs made their comeback, then the full-on wrestling matches, bringing them back full circle to where they were before Wonho had nearly ruined what relationship they had between them.

Granted none of those things were any different than they were before then, and Minhyuk still treated the other members in pretty much the same way, but the difference was that with each step that brought him back around to normalcy between him and Wonho, he also began to smile more and avoid the others less. He slowly began to spend more and more time out of his room, went back to being chatty when they were in the van together, went out to eat with them or play games with them as opposed to claiming exhaustion that would leash him to his bed. He was _happy_ again, and this time everybody noticed.

It was during a late night when they finally had a few days off from promotions that things took one step further for the two. They’d been up late playing video games and were craving snacks and drinks, so Wonho volunteered himself to go down the little market to get them. Minhyuk jumped up to help him, and as they wandered down the quiet, empty street, Minhyuk threaded his arm through Wonho’s and leaned his head against his shoulder. It was all so incredibly sweet...until a couple older boys decided to come around the corner and ruin the moment for them.

“Hey, look, it’s that fag boy from that stupid idol group,” one of them said, nodding his head at Minhyuk. 

His friend laughed as Minhyuk quickly pulled away from Wonho’s arm, his face flushing red even under the cover of the night. “Hey, yeah, where’s the other guy, the one you got in the tub with?” the friend taunted. “Or the one who doesn’t know what sleeves are? You’re always hanging on that guy, and now this one. Are you just whoring your way through your members, or what?”

“That’s enough,” Wonho practically growled, latching onto Minhyuk’s wrist to tug him behind him. “Leave him alone.”

“Or what?” the first boy sneered. “You’ll hit us? What would your precious fans say if they knew their idols were hitting people?”

Wonho pointedly looked around him. “I don’t see any fans here. Go ahead, try me.”

“No, Wonho, let’s just go,” Minhyuk whispered. “We’re not far from the market. Just ignore them.”

Biting his lip in agitation, Wonho stood his ground for a moment longer before he finally nodded, knowing it wasn’t fear that was prompting Minhyuk’s urgency to leave, just logic. It really wasn’t a good idea to be picking fights; if somebody found out about it, it’d be all over the internet in minutes. With a frustrated huff, he turned away from the bullies and herded Minhyuk towards the opposite side of the street, keeping himself between him and the jerks who continued to call him names. Each insult stung into Wonho like a poisoned dart, making it harder and harder not to turn back and start throwing punches; he couldn’t fathom how Minhyuk was just letting the taunts slide off him like oil on ice.

After a minute of walking, he also realized that he wasn’t the one directing Minhyuk’s path anymore. It was just the opposite; Minhyuk was the one tugging him along with grim determination. They very nearly made it to the market when a hand that wasn’t Minhyuk’s suddenly latched onto his shoulder, yanking him back and spinning him around. Whatever the guy said (his breath tainted with alcohol, now that he was close enough to Wonho for him to smell it), it was lost to Wonho as a fist connected hard with the side of his face, knocking him instantly to the ground.

What he _did_ hear was Minhyuk shouting, and an odd scuffling sound before their two attackers were strangely running away from them, both of them spouting out angry curses over their shoulders. Wonho blinked his eyes clear to the sight of Minhyuk chasing after them a couple paces, lobbing rocks at their backs that he’d apparently scooped up off the ground. He didn’t go too far, it being his turn now to serve as protector as he planted himself firmly between them and Wonho, rocks at the ready in case the bullies turned around. For some reason Wonho thought that was sort of funny, and his soft chuckles had Minhyuk dropping his makeshift weapons and sliding down beside him in an instant.

“Let me see, let me see,” he urged, cupping Wonho’s face between his hands. He hissed in between his teeth as he fingered the small cut at the edge of Wonho’s brow. “Aiya, this shouldn’t have happened. This was my fault. We should get you home. I’m sorry.”

Wonho grabbed his wrists and pulled them down away from his face, but kept them clutched between his fingers. “It’s not your fault if people are being jerks,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I shouldn’t have egged them on. Thanks for saving me. With your rocks.”

He smirked impishly, which made Minhyuk crumble into a whiney pout. “That’s all I had,” he protested. “And it worked, didn’t it? I’m not the one bleeding on the ground.”

“Thank god for that. I might have had to kill them.” 

Wonho tugged on Minhyuk’s wrist, yanking him into a tight hug, and realized as he held him that Minhyuk was trembling all over.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he soothed, rubbing circles on Minhyuk’s back. “You did good. They’re gone. You don’t have to be scared anymore.”

Minhyuk shook his head. “I wasn’t scared of them. It was like you said in the bathroom that one day. I was scared for _you_. He hit you so hard. I thought he really hurt you.”

“Oh.” Wonho swallowed past the breath that tried to catch in his throat, and offered up a thin smile instead. “Well, you don’t worry about me. I’m fine. Okay? Nothing a band aid won’t fix.”

With a slight nod, Minhyuk pulled back and pressed his hands against Wonho’s face again. He wasn’t looking at the cut this time, though, he was looking straight into Wonho’s eyes. Then slowly, cautiously, ready to back off the second he thought maybe he was doing something wrong, Minhyuk closed the distance between them, for once taking the initiative to press his lips against Wonho’s.

Wonho melted on the spot, his whole body flooded with joy and relief as his arms continued to hold Minhyuk close, trapping him in place to prolong the moment. That seemed to inspire Minhyuk to be a bit more bold, so he tilted his head slightly and deepened the kiss even further, one of his hands snaking up to bury his fingers into Wonho’s hair. They kept kissing for several long seconds before they finally broke apart, their breaths coming out in soft pants.

“Come on,” Minhyuk smiled, pushing himself to his feet and reaching down to grab Wonho’s hand. “The market’s right here. Let’s get you that band aid.”

Wonho returned the giddy grin and let his _boyfriend_ pull him to his feet. Funny, it wasn’t even weird to think that way, not even a little bit. He was all too happy to interlock his fingers with Minhyuk’s and let him tug him along into the shop, and to let him baby him in the bathroom as he cleaned and bandaged the cut, and to hang all over him on the way home, and even to exaggerate the tale of how Wonho faced off against two giant thugs all on his own when the others immediately asked what happened. He was even happier when things settled down and Minhyuk fell asleep with his head resting on his lap, and the other members actually shot him soft smiles of approval.

And if all that still wasn’t a definitive _yes_ , then he didn’t care a single bit about it. Whatever he had now, he was content with it, and clearly so was Minhyuk. In the end, that was all that really mattered.

_~The End~_


End file.
